That ain't what yo' momma calls you!

I've been busy preparing to make the LSAT my bitch. Logic games are a misnomer. There is no logic and none of the fun associated with tic-tac-toe or connect four.

Anywho, we've all had a bit of debate fatigue. Not to mention I thought it best to wait as we get closer to someone actually voting. Yes, those someones are a curiously monolithic group of white, liberal noreasteners but still, it's a vote.

However, last night's debate called to me. I was home, it was cold outside and the VSOP was warm. How better to pass my drunkeness than with a Democratic debate?!

I'll attach my raw copy for now. Sober analysis should follow. Enjoy.

10/30/07 Debate

This was as entertaining a political debate possible without the great Mike Gravel.

*moment of silence*

*pours out some Tazo Tea for my homie*

On the issue of the recent vote to allow military movement towards Iran.

Dodd says we haven't learned our lesson from Iraq as it pertains to sanctioning Bush's move towards military action against Iran. This is a mistake.

Hillary voted for said resolution, BTW. She defends her vote as a vote for diplomacy glossing over the part of the resolution that names Iran a terrorist organization and allows for military forces in Iraq to be mobilized in reaction to Iran.

Um, yeah. 'Member that resolution on Iraq?

Edwards says Hillary double talks. He's going at her. Damn shame I still need proof that his voice changed. I just don't buy him as a man. There was this pretty drag queen at the bar the other night and he reminds of her a bit minus the curly ponytail and fantabulous gams in a velvet miniskirt. But he came to play.

Obama says Hillary makes no distinction between herself and the Republicans. He charges they may be one and the same. Do We Set a Redline Moment for Attacking Iran?Obama showed he knows the players. He's been studying.

Clinton comes across well on this issue. She knows it intimately. Some nonsense about carrot and sticks. Is that white people shit? Like peas and carrots? Who ever knows.

Edwards brings the pain AGAIN! HIllary stands up to the Republicans on the issue of Iran by VOTING WITH THEM?! What kind of bullshit is that Hillary? Where I'm from in Carolina we call that spitting inta tha wind.

Richardson bang starts to shake loose at this point. He's so uncomfortable up there. Looks like he's sweating Sazon. Anyway, some rambling about how he's the only one on the stage to actually negotiate with some of the people of which they all speak.

Dodd and Biden go nuts! Get low shawty! Get low! We been done negotiated some peace!!!

Oh Lawd!

On the nonsensical question of do you pledge that there will be no Iran with a bomb on your watch only Biden offered the only answer worth hearing: "Hell naw I ain't gonna pledge that! Them mofos ain't got but a smidgen of enriched uranium. Pakistan got 40s FULL of of enriched uranium!!! How you gonna try to make me jump bad with Iran when Pakistan is carrying a big stick? I'ma make wise decisions based on facts not up in here in a vacuum!" (Now's a good time to mention that my quotation marks are used only for entertainment purposes. And because its one of the few grammar rules to stick with me.)

Obama says the best way to cme to the international community is not be the country led by somebody who voted for war with Iraq. Oooooooohhhh (I bet you won't slap his hand! I bet you won't slap his hand!).

Edwards says Hillary was quoted in some article as suggesting she's no longer in primary mode but inthe general election mode. Ed says, hold up! HOw about TRUTH MODE! You campaigning and I'm trying to talk real talk!

Y'all know they say Hillary cusses like a drunken sailor with syphillis. She look she want to cuss that redneck for all he's worth right now and can't. Bitch damn near choked on a "gotdamn".

Guilani quote pulled out about HIllary not having any real experience beyond making tea for diplomat's wives.

Clinton says she was an advocate. Y'all ever seen "advocate" on monster? I'm looking to be one of them bitches. I was a ursher for three years. Can't be much difference.

Anyway the conversation turns to Bill's request that all of her communications with him while in the white house be kept sealed...until 2012!!! Russert's got the letter!!!!! Why so secretive Hill?! WHY?!

Obama says bitch if this here be your resume you can't run on it and hide it at the same time. Why no transparency Hillary? This is the basis of your experience. Let me see it. Yeah, that's why they want you to be the forerunner. The Republicans know how to fight you. They been doing it since the 90s. (insinuates she's the old guard!)

And then Edwards dropped it on her! The Repubs are obsessed with you Hillary cause they want to run against you! They don't want none wit me! Looka here. After the election I'll be fine. Barack and HIllary will be fine. Will YOUR broke ass be fine?

Shole won't Ed. Shole won't.

kucinich wants a single payer not for profit healthcare system. My teeth want one too. thanks.

BIDEN!! With the KO! Are we listening to Guilani up in here? This mofo ain't got sperience worth shit! He ain't passed a bill worth shit, ain't balanced no budget. He can't even run fries or drive-thru. How we gonna let him roll up in this debate? He don't know how to say but three things - a noun, a verb and 9/11. I can't WAIT to run 'gainst Guilani.

Blah, Blah, Blah

The clincher:Shirley Mclain is Kucinich's Russian mail-order bride's babies godmother? In her new book she describes his moving experience with a UFO at her house.

Do you believe in UFO's Kucinich?

Yes.

*collective blink*

Yes?

Yes.

The lawn gnome done went beserk!!! Oh lawdy! somebody bring up the constitution and non-proliferation!!!

HE BELIEVES IN UFOS!!!!! AND HE SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They closed with nailing Hillary on the NY Governor's plans to offer illegals/undocumented/messicans/new nigras a driver's license. She won't say she's against it or for it. She wasn't prepared for this question. You can tell. She's stumbling. She supports the governor but not the law. It's a good idea but not.

Edwards says hold up!!! This bitch done said two things in two minutes to one motherfucking question. REWIND TAPE!!!

Obama says they got to have some ID. They hit yo car on the south side you need to know who to run up on.Interesting way to end. A clencher with HIllary looking like the double talker she was accused of being.

Did I mention that KUCINICH KNOWS SHIRLEY MCLEAN AND BELIEVES IN UFOS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!