The View From Up Here…Or, Down Here…Or, Something…

I’m not sure if my esteemed colleagues in aimless political punditry would consider me a leader or a follower, but I do think everyone can agree that I am psychic.

No, really. See all tongue-in-cheek references to a darkhorse candidate providing entertainment value in last night’s presidential debate and then see the phenomenon that is Mike Gravel. The former representative from Alaska…yes, Alaska gave as good as he got last night. He foamed at the mouth, he chomped at the bit, he called Biden “arrogant”, challenged Obama to a duel and I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to think that he may have patted Hillary on the ass.

This man was the gold standard.

The rest of the field played their respective roles, as expected. Hillary got in a good texas-hold-‘em style promise of “swift retribution” should she find that two American cities had been attacked by terrorists as they stood there. By the way, what the fvck was up with that question? If they’d all promised to put away their copy of the see and say speller when told about an Al-Quaida attack, I would have been happy.

John Edwards looked lackluster last night. Now, I’m never a huge fan of his but on the stump he usually weaves his homespun charm like Charlotte does her web. Last night, however, he looked tired and out of sorts. I did appreciate his handling of the haircut question. Basically, Johnny-boy says yes he’s rich, bitch but don’t get it twisted; you don’t know where he came from! He’s from the hard scrapple streets of working class textile America and he has the inferiority complex to prove it.

Chris Dodd. Was he there? I can barely remember. I looked over my notes and I only see one reference. Can we consider him done?

Dennis Kucinich. Poor, poor Dennis Kucinich. He has some great ideas. He is passionate about service and politics. The man carries a copy of the constitution in his pocket for God’s sake! He’s a patriot! But he also tossed out some mumbo jumbo on never making war and he looks like Rainman’s uncool step-brother. He doesn’t stand a chance but he came out strong last night and give the man his due: he does not fear being the odd guy out. That speaks to a serious delusion or some pretty hefty reserves of courage.

The Senator from Illinois was looking fine. However, he stumbled in places and never gave any great soundbite answers for that all important post-debate spin. On the upside he didn’t allow himself to be cornered or attacked much and he looked the part. It is obvious he has studied the particulars of foreign policy though as multi-syllabled names rolled from his tongue like sweet wine when he was inevitably given a question about our allies and enemies abroad.

Joe Biden looked every bit the elder statesman as he tossed out Arabic names like fastballs and rattled of minute details of some bill or initiative. The man has chops and they should not be taken lightly. It’s a damn shame America has shown a collective disdain for smart guys though. You’ll see his brilliant one word answer of “yes” replayed everywhere so I won’t ruin it for you. It was one of the most memorable moments of the night. If that’s how you’re keeping score then many of today’s talking heads are right: he “won”.

Hillary did exactly what she came to do. She didn’t get sidetracked, no one attacked her and she’s almost mastered the art of mimicking the cadence of a human being. Seriously, I do not dislike Hillary…at all. She’s just not my choice in the primary and I don’t think she can win the general. But she does have that peculiar white woman oratorical disorder where they get higher-pitched and shrill at the end of a sentence. It’s the damndest thing I’ve ever seen. She modulated that well most of the night, got off the fact that she is experienced at least a half dozen times and looked solid. I don’t know how well her explanation of her vote for war went over though. But she didn’t sway anyone. If you loved her before you still do. If you hated her before you can go back to attaching human hair to your voodoo doll. She is still Hillary Clinton.

Bill Richardson, I thought, was extremely natural and engaging on the stage. He made more than few salient points about foreign affairs – you know the man’s been nominated for the Nobel, right? – and showed a depth and breadth of understanding about complex issues. He did not shy away from pointed, tough questions. When asked about his initial reluctance to hang Alberto Gonzalez out to dry because he is Hispanic he manned up and said he said it and he meant it. It was the most honest moment of the night. Damn shame that honesty doesn’t sell, but I, for one, appreciated it.

I also appreciated that he was the ONLY candidate to mention the Darfur and Sudan during his spiel on foreign policy. The other candidates conveniently forgot the largest damn continent in the planet when discussing global affairs.

And now that you’ve got the highlights, here’s my spin/predications/strategy discussion:

Clinton, Edwards and Obama did not have to razzle dazzle last night. They are already ahead. They just did not have to fuck up and I do not think any of them did.

Would it be good for the populace if they had been more engaging, perhaps? But the populace is a fickly heffa on Motrin; you can’t always give her what she wants if you aim to give her what she needs.

So they did what they had to do.

And all of these Republicans knighting Hillary the winner? They bring to mind the creepy guy who offers free candy if you’ll come over to watch cartoons. It’s a set up people. Nothing would make these people happier than to run against Hillary in the election. If they say she won, you better question why that would make them so damn happy.

I did not like Hillary calling the Senator by his first name. Up to that point everyone had been formally addressed but she calls out, “Barack.” And now this may be a peculiarity of my racial identity but something in the way she said his name made clear to me that she wasn’t use to calling it. She calls that man something else at home and it ain’t as nice as “Rock”, I guarantee. It sounded oddly intimate and condescending to me.

Not to be outdone, though, Barack called her “Hillary”, leveling that little playing field. I can’t imagine there wasn’t some underlying dynamic at play in that exchange.

Biden seemed much more sincere when he addressed Mr. Obama and talked about them working together on an emissions bill. In fact, it sounded so right that I am once again fantasizing of an Obama/Biden ticket.

Obama and Hillary will never happen. Obama and Edwards would be stupid. If you have an issue with Obama’s relative youth and inexperience then you should really have an issue with Edwards’. And if I’m voting on intangibles I’ll take the real McCoy. Edwards is just a color-inverted facsimile.

Chris Matthews fawned incessantly over how beautiful and classy Michelle Obama looked. I think my man had taken too big a bite out of that S.C. State atmosphere!

Speaking of wives, where did Kucinich find that one of his? She’s like 12! Beautiful redhead with an accent – anyone else thinking we should be able to find a credit card purchase for Russian Hotties R Us?

So, not much changed the dynamic last night but it was entertaining to see the dynamics, if you’re into that sort of thing.

I’m still confident with all of my predictions:

- Biden or Richardson will either go bust or break free in the next six months
-Hillary and Obama will continue to tread water until around September which is when the gloves will come off. They’ll both be bloodied but Hillary will eventually be faced with the realities of a party that wants to win and she’ll end up doing what’s right for the party just to keep a seat at the table.
- The real contest may well come down to Obama and Edwards. You can’t underestimate Edwards’ success in early primary states like Iowa. But he’s vulnerable on a great many issues and I don’t know if he can go the distance. In fact, I already see him angling for a vice-president nom.
- Gravel will father my babies and will keep us all up at night with impromptu nuclear attack drills
- It’s early yet but I see an Obama/Biden or Obama/Richardson ticket. If Hillary wins the nomination I’ll be outside my house making Molotov cocktails and planning for the revolution